So she asks me how I feel about the sloppy retcon Claremont is pulling off over in Excalibur. Specifically, substituting Xorn/Magneto in Morrison's run with an unnamed "imposter".

And, being as I don't really care, I tell her I don't care.

"But it's horrible! It undermines Morrison's entire run on the book. Look at all this stuff on Millarworld"

I agree and then repeat that I really don't care. I add that it's my opinion that 30% of the regular MillarWorld posters are functionally illiterate.

"But it's stupid as fuck, how can you not care?"

It's like this: Yes it is a sloppy retcon. It does remind me of the way Byrne and Claremont sniped each other back when they were feuding. Claremont would write the X-Men vs. Dr. Doom and then a month later Byrne would reveal that the X-Men fought a robot. This went on for some time. This is what happens when you pay fatbears who never stopped being ten-year olds to write for you. However, it's work for hire, I expected this. This is why the only "X" related titles that get my cash are Joss Whedon's Astonishing X-Men and David Hine's District X. And Cable and Deadpool... it's a guilty pleasure, okay? Claremont made "how much Morrison's X-Men suck" the entire point of his run on *choke* "X-Treme X-Men". The fact that he's reversing everything he can get his hands on is not at all surprising. And you know what, I still don't care... it irritates me a little and I figure it's disrespectful and completely kills suspension of disbelief, but *shrug* I'm more than happy to pretend that Claremont isn't writing any X-books while I sit over here and read Seaguy.

Sumbliminal Message: READ SEAGUY!

But otherwise, when I find that I might actually be pissed off or displaying any other weird fanboyish reaction I think back to a story I was once told and suddenly, none of this crap matters...

You see, I have friends in the adult entertainment industry. I see none of you are surprised. Anyway, shortly after the first X-Men film came out, one of my friends in the adult entertainment industry was talking to me about stuff and asking me (since I was a "comic book guy") about X-Men and the like.

So I mention Claremont and she pauses... "Wait, this Chris Claremont guy is the guy who wrote X-Men?"

"Yes."

So then she tells me a story. You see, Claremont hangs around the outskirts of the BDSM scene. Anyone who has read enough of his work probably shouldn't be surprised by this. Anyway, it appears that he once hired a Dominatrix friend of my friend to: a) Dress like Storm and then b) fist him savagely. Apparently, he's had several people do this. My friend never understood the connection and just assumed it was a geek thing. I've had this story indepedently confirmed by one big name comics creator and one comics journalist.

Since that evening, whenever I've been tempted to go on a rant about how Claremont can't write, ect.. I just think of Claremont grunting away at his computer, writing his latest magnum opus, probably involving hot mind control action, fetishwear and lesbian tenticle sex; while a young woman dressed as Storm and making a thousand bucks an hour rams her rubber-gloved hand directly up his ass repeatedly.

Somehow, this usually makes everything better.